Category: Dates (page 9 of 10)

I’m a simple farmer boy. Nothing gives me more joy than overlooking my perfectly plowed fields, feeling the fertile soil between fingers and harvesting my non-genetically modified crops. I live the simple life. Just give me the sun in the morning and 69mm of rainfall per year. I don’t need white sneakers with red accented heels and velcro straps. Nor a tailored, double-breasted, checkered, dark blue suit that fits me like perfection. Or, imagine this, multiple travels abroad. That’s so not in my reality.
Live. Laugh. Love. Life is simple.

So is dating. Dating is fairly simple. More than often, I’m surprised how we complicate things for no good reason. Here’s the magic formula for dating: Boy and Girl meet. Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Add logistics. Boom! A date is born! That was not that difficult, right? Dating is simple.

We arranged this date exactly like described above. No hassle, no drama, no time-wasting. I asked her to pick a date from the overview. She chose the homemade dinner. No questions asked, homemade dinner it is. (Okay, I asked her what food she doesn’t like) Dating is simple. Our date was pretty nice in my opinion. She was a bit younger than the usual crowd of cougars I’m meeting but it turned out that age is just a number.

Here are some common examples of complicating things:

• “I want to get to know the other person better first” Wait, what is the purpose of going on a date again? Why the need for verbal ping pong before arranging a date? You need more information? Okay, here’s my CV, the report of the personality questionnaire I filled in and a three-pager summary of my personal history and major milestones.
• “I’m busy, I have no time” I also have no time when I spend hours every day on my smartphone scrolling through trivial images and videos and texting back and forth in group chats.
• “I’m not sure if I like that person” That’s fine. How will you ultimately find out then?
• “I’m a bit afraid” I know, meeting someone in a public space with people around you is indeed more scary than travelling multiple times to a foreign place where you don’t know anyone or speak the local language. How will you succeed in life and overcome your biggest challenges if just going on a date is already holding you back? 

You might have noticed. I’m a big fan of meeting up face-to-face. Because yeah, it’s just simple.

I know you’re all dying to know what we had for dinner. Well, I cooked Coca-Cola chicken, stir-fried veggies and some Polish grain thing (kasza jęczmienna). Emtpy plates, just sayin’…

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I’m eating some grapes while I’m writing this. Usually I eat seedless grapes but today is different. This information is actually not very relevant for this post. Thank you for putting up with me.

On a very sunny day, we planned to go mini golfing. She informed me she was going to be an hour or so later. I still departed early from home to chill in the sun near the mini golf in the park. It was pure joy, just lying on the grass, doing nothing but catching a tan. Eventually she arrived so we could get the ball rolling.

Before the date, she told me not to expect anything. I always ignore this standard sentence. For one, I’ve been training myself to not give too many thoughts about what might or might not happen, and usually she is bringing a tsunami of expectations herself. But I had the impression she was just there to have a good time. For me, a date does not have to be more.

Dating and love are often depicted in popular media as big, grandiose things. Back side pictures of two people infatuated with each other during sunset, 69 handwritten letters in red ink smelling like roses, a wedding proposal in Santorini involving white pigeons, a flash mob by a group of wannabe models and a drone in the air capturing everything. I have nothing against translating the amount of love you have for each other in equally impressive marketing deliverables but can we keep it real please?

We don’t need to impress other people, we don’t need to act busy, we don’t need to pretend we’re flawless human beings. We just need to live our own lives. Dating happens also to be a part of it so we treat it as a part, not a life goal. Playing a final during the Olympic Games is maybe a big deal but dating someone? That’s also what I appreciated about this girl. The date was chill, it was not a big deal (at least, that was my impression). She’s living her own life and you can sense that.

I prefer dating busy people. This might sound counterintuitive but they understand that when you’re spending time together that that moment is very valuable. They don’t waste their energy on playing games, feeling entitled or acting needy. I’m not talking about the bragging-busy like “Sorry, Monday I can’t make it because I got invited for a VIP event, Tuesday I have to answer my fan mail, Wednesday is look-how-cool-I-am-club meeting etc.” No, I’m talking about busy living your own life. Dating is adding something to your life, not filling a hole.

When someone comes along your path, there’s a possibility that you walk in the same direction and speed. You can always adjust accordingly. There’s a time and place for everything. But the most important thing is that you’re walking your own path. Life is easy, isn’t it?

I know you’re all dying to know who won the mini golf game. Well, the girl won, a real champ. I guess my putting skills are not up to par with my ability to make punny jokes.

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I poked her belly. She giggled. Everything seemed fine.

I went through three phases when it comes to anticipating a date: excitement, fear and equanimity.

In my early days I was very excited to go on a date. Anticipation was building up days beforehand. I was making game plans, probably conversation scripts as well. I spent considerable amounts of time preparing myself aesthetically and mentally. Silly me when I think back to those five-day performances but it makes me smile when I’m writing this.

What happens when you’re all excited and your date gets cancelled? Yes, first disappointment and for future dates you start to get worried when D-day comes closer by. You receive a message from her. Panic strikes! Did her dog die again? Is she  having diarrhea? (true story) Or is she just not feeling it anymore?

Maybe out of self-protection, maybe it’s because I have other things to do or maybe I have built experience and core confidence over the years but I’m feeling quite “equanimous” (I couldn’t find a better word) before a date now. It’s not that I don’t care about the date or the girl. It’s not that it’s not important but it has lost the “big deal” part for me. During the date is different. 

So the pizza date. I went grocery shopping, all prepared. On D-day, she texts me she got a stomach infection. Ok. This is the dating life. It doesn’t surprise or upset me anymore. I could still come but it’s a bit stupid to drive to the other side of town to have her watch me eat pizza. In the end, due to my healing words, we eventually had pizza. So again, you never know what’s going to happen until it’s actually happening. Long live equanimity.

I know you’re all dying to know which pizzas we prepared that evening. Well, it was both times a cross-over between a pizza Veggie and a pizza Hawai (Apologies for the pineapple. Please don’t hit me, it was her idea).

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When you go too fast, you’re too pushy. When you go too slow, you’re bound to end up in the friendzone. In the dating world there are no traffic signs. Moving at the right dating speed is some sort of a hit or miss, or not?

I met this girl via a mutual friend. Just before the end of last year. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight but I could appreciate her. Over are the days that I’d instantly go in for the kill. Why the rush anyway. I jokingly try to cultivate my romantic side: when it’s meant to be, we’ll see each other again. The goddess of love indeed brought us together again, one month later. When there’s a mutual interest, a date is not far away.

Another two weeks later, we had our first date. She chose the ‘Act like a tourist’ date. Normally, I don’t tolerate vague logistics. You all know what’s going to happen then. But hey, when a girl takes the initiative to propose a time and place, you let her do her thing. Little did I know she was out of mobile data and the Grand Place was pretty crowded. No sign of her. I let an academic quarter pass by and decide to go to my favourite pita place nearby. But faith struck again, we bumped into each other on the way! We had food and drinks and more drinks. Fast forward a couple of days later, the weather was nice so we meet up again for some Sunday afternoon chilling in the park.

So here we are now, almost two months later since our first encounter. Was this the right dating speed? I often hear that people like to take it slow when it comes to dating. To really get to know the other person, to build trust, to just let it happen. I get that, those points are important, I agree. Here’s the thing, even more people tell me that they’re busy busy busy. Friends, family, work, travels, hobbies etc. Where does a date fit in all that?

Here’s my oversimplified view: take the girl seriously, not dating itself. Lower expectations, less tears, less drama. Your and her time are valuable, don’t waste it because society has some romantic norms, do what you feel like, right there and then. Be bold, strike the iron when it’s hot, have some ballzzz, or lose the respect of the girl, forever. (Never will I forget the look on her face when I left the date where I took it chill and slow. Was it disappointment? Was it frustration? Was is it pity? In any case, there was no second date, obviously.) Be curious but intentional, having a high-energy, flowing conversation about panda bears with a lot of laughter is a certainly super fun but weren’t you really busy and didn’t you want to actually get to know the person better? Dating is a number’s game, don’t expect to meet the one if you only go out with five people per year. Go for abundance instead of scarcity. Do you like the person or his/her attention? Do not try to convince yourself on future dates (deep down you already know the answer, sometimes even after 30 minutes). Dare to leave, rejection is a bitch and thank her anyway. Be honest, first with yourself then with others.

With more date experience, comes a better feeling on what you like and dislike in a girl. You see through her feminity, her good perfume, her “impressing” stories. You actually learn how to relentlessly filter. I have a couple of questions with high discriminating value. “What book are you reading?”, few survive this one, it’s a slaughterhouse.

There’s a lot more I want to share but for the sake of brevity, I close this one. I think I have enough material for three to four posts… Stay tuned!

I know you’re all dying to know which park we visited. Well, it was Bois de la Cambre, one of my favourite spots in Brussels.

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It’s funny how life goes sometimes. One moment you haven’t seen or heard each other for ages, and the next you install yourself in her couch with some French fries.

I just checked the Facebook conversation history with this girl. The last time we really spoke was 2012. I knew this girl from my studies. We met each other during one of those student activities. Nothing special. We remained Facebook friends, maybe liked a picture here and there but there was virtually no further contact. To give you some context, one of my resolutions of 2019 was to reconnect with people. Just for the sake of reconnecting. I do this by sending a low-key Facebook message. After a couple of weeks, I decided to combine the reconnecting with birthday wishes. And that kids, is how I met your mother.

She’s very open and playful which makes her fun to talk to. She’s one of those girls that plays along from the very beginning. There was no “At first, I’m a bit distant and cold, but when you get to know me better, I’ll loosen up and I can be really, really, very, a lot of fun. Really.”. The conversation was flowing and I became more curious. So I asked her out and told her about 69 Dates. Who could have guessed?

When you put yourself out there, you never know what’s going to happen. The same with reconnecting with people. You do it anyway and then you see what happens. Freedom from outcome, zero expectations, it’s hard to manage but I think, those are key to staying happy and sane while dating actively. Life gives you magnificent moments but also sour lemons, and that’s the beauty of it!

I know you’re all dying to know which movie we watched. Well, actually none. We watched an episode of Temptation Island, classy as we are.

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