Category: Dates (page 8 of 10)

When I have conversations with people about dating they often mention that they want to meet people organically. Dating apps, speed dating events or club nights out are too artificial, too superficial. It seems that even in the dating world, organic has become a buzz word. I usually mock them by asking them if they expect a situation like this:

A girl is walking on the street. Her hair blows in the wind like in a TV commercial. She’s a bit clumsy though and drops a couple of her sketches. An unsuspicious guy is walking behind her. He’s not checking his phone, and also not her booty. He sees the drawings slowly floating down in a zigzag motion to the ground. As a contemporary Good Samaritan, he crouches to collect the papers. The girl gets on her knees as well (to collect the papers). And in that moment, their eyes lock (it was not a sunny day so they are both not wearing sun glasses). The world stopped turning but their hearts started racing like pounding techno music. They feel… they feel an instant connection. And there’s more… so much more but I can’t describe it in earthly words. You only can understand what happened if you have lived this out-of-body experience. But I’ll try. *takes a deep breath* It’s… as if… there is enough chemistry to open a drug lab, enough electricity to charge 69 Tesla’s, enough fire to burn the whole Amazon rainforest. Then after this organic encounter, they started some small talk and agreed to see each other again.

I’m not a cynic that tells you that romance is dead. Romance and chivalry are timeless and magnificent. But romance portrayed in mainstream media and probably in the minds of a great deal of people is just not realistic. I was at a cosy music event when I first spotted my date-to-be. I sipped my drink while she swaggered by. Hmm, tasty. The show was about to start so we went inside to our seats and it happened that she was sitting behind us. During the break both her companion and mine needed to go to the toilet. She was there on her own, I was on my own so I turned around and started chatting with her. We had a short conversation while the others joined us back. The show ended and at the very end, just before parting ways, I asked her out. It was messy as fuck but she agreed. She chose to go to the movies.

Did we meet organically? There were so many uncontrollable factors involved: us attending the event, her sitting behind me, us being isolated from other people during the break, her cousin not cockblocking me, the presence of my female friend (negative: she thinks she’s my girlfriend, positive: he’s with a girl so he’s not a random creep) etc. Of course, I showed up as a man and did my duty but basically this encounter was sheer luck. There was nothing organic, it was pure luck. It was a beautiful encounter in the sense that it was unexpected. But how often do this kind of things happen? Are we really expecting that a guy/girl will suddenly fall into our lap when we’re picking our nose? No no no, organic encounters are wishful dreams. Wishful, but dreams nonetheless.

I know you’re all dying to know which movie we watched. Well, nothing can trump some good ol’ childhood nostalgia with the new Lion King. Still a 10/10.

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This is the story of a girl, a guy and a dog. A very happy and energetic dog. The type that casually wanders off to sniff people’s crotches when you’re in a deep conversation about the hardships of dating as a Millennial. Okay, I made up the private parts sniffing but this dog was really enthusiastic about jumping people and other dogs (especially dogs of the same sex, no bitches for him. Not kidding here). Having the dog with us created a different dynamic. It’s not about better or worse, just different. It’s like your date would have brought her mute sister. She’s not saying anything, she doesn’t bother you but she’s still there. It would have been just a different date when she would have stayed in her sign language boarding school.

For me this was my first blind date and a blind date in its purest form. Literally the only piece of information I had about her was that she would bring a dog. That was all and that was okay. Keep those expectations low, see how it goes and go with the flow. She did the same. She told me she did not do a lot of pre-reading to keep the blindness in the blind date. Great minds think alike. What I appreciate about blind dates is not per se the thrill of the unknown. I like the fact that you start with a clean slate without any assumptions, judgments or impressions. You just let your curiosity do its work. A discovery of the other person.

This was also my first arranged date. There was a middle person involved. Those referrals, keep’em coming. The best compliment you can give me is to share this blog with others, and/or arrange me a date with someone who would like the concept and be a potential good fit with yours truly. Maybe you have a talent for being a love broker!

I know you’re all dying to read a silly pun about eating dogs. Well, I’m sorry the disappoint you, I had no intentions to consume the doggo, I only wanted to wok the dog.

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Seven minutes. That’s the length of each encounter during a speeddating event. I once participated in such a human conveyor belt experience. What struck me the most was that girls come in flocks. Of the 12-14 chicks that were available for mating, only a handful were riding solo. The others came in groups. I asked one kitty cat why she was there with her friends. She answered that her housemate Pemberley (not her real name btw) had the idea and it seemed fun as a night out. Are you serious? I’m trying to meet the mother of my mixed-race kids here. I didn’t pay to be your seven-minute entertainer. Some other girls took it way more seriously, “Just one more thing, what did you study and what is your profession?”. I gave her a copy of my degree and last month’s payslip (I always have those in my pocket). Then I winked and left the table while my hair was blowing in the wind.

This kind of behaviour was probably explains my low amount of matches. On a serious note, I actually don’t fare well when it comes to these ultra short encounters. It’s made for warm, smiling, agreeable people… During the date, we were discussing how short and not too short those seven minutes actually are. You could argue that you can’t judge a book by its cover but I’ve put many books back on the shelf after just reading the description on the back. You just have a hunch if it’s worth the read or not. The same with dating, you often have a feeling already, you  notice if the energy matches.

The energy of the date was quite okay. It was the start of the Tour de France. We first had a quick bite outside in the buzzing atmosphere before retreating into the safe space of books and serenity. My initial plan for this date idea was to actually read a book upfront and come together to discuss it but it seemed too complicated in hindsight. So it turned into a journey in the big book store. For my part, the energy between us didn’t really work out. For someone chilled and laidback as me, I need to receive energy from others to ignite, trigger me. I need someone that can put my roof on fire. I also told her this. It is what it is. All we can do is be grateful for the experience shared and turn another page. 

I know you’re all dying to know what books we bought. Well, I bought two books (The State of Affairs and Mating in Captivity) of Esther Perel, my favourite relationship therapist. The girl went home empty-handed. 

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I opened the door. There she was, radiating good vibes in her tangerine* dress. It was her, the girl I met through a profound dating app, where choosing left means “Sorry, not sorry but I do enough charity work already” and choosing right “I’d tap that ass”. A few months ago, we connected on that online meat market and with mutual consent, we took our vows and I declared her my lawful +1 during my friends’ wedding.
(* I actually didn’t remember anymore what colour her dress was. I had to check the pictures. Don’t judge me.)

We had a phone call before to check out the level of creepiness. We both could live with it. The wedding day was the first time we met each other, it almost felt like an arranged marriage. I looked like a boss in my suit. During the first few minutes, I tried to look more ugly and insecure in order not to overwhelm her but failed miserably.

I have mad respect for this girl. It was pretty ballsy from her to show up at a wedding full of strangers, myself included. There were millions of reasons to come or not to come but in the end, she was there. Admirable. It’s often a thing for highly educated people to overthink and to overplan. Then we forget how to live. Yes, using Google Maps to get somewhere is very convenient and efficient. It’s also more or less the same as being a zombie following arrows on autopilot. There’s a time and a place to surrender to the moment. As simple as soaking in the environment and using your eyes and attention to navigate. You’ll start to notice things, not per se the rare, flashy stuff but equally the mundane, everyday things. Appreciation squad, reporting in!

I’m pretty sure you all had the experience before of discovering something cool while you were lost somewhere. You can decide to get wasted but you can’t decide to get lost. You can’t choose to make things happen but you can allow it. It’s all about letting go of the need to control and to have it perfect. However, I don’t believe in total surrender. We’re still human beings in charge of our own lives. It’s a fine balance between going with the flow and flowing in the right direction.

Sometimes I wish I was a bit more stupid though so I’m not thinking about the consequences all the time. But next time, just do it. Live the experience. Put off those mental chains. A wise man once said, “you only live once”.

I know you’re all dying to know what excuse we used to tell the other guests how we met each other. Well, first we had one (and I honestly don’t remember anymore which one it was) but with increasing alcohol levels, it was the truth and nothing but the truth.

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Maybe it’s because I meditate. Maybe it’s because I’m keeping a stoic diary. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been disappointed many times before and my standard modus operandi is to expect the worst. But the fact is, I stay rather unphased when I’m not getting a timely response or cancellation. What can you do about it anyway?

This girl is not one of the most responsive types of persons I know. I did not bother to ask why. It is what it is. It’s just a different way of interacting. I find it useless to occupy myself with games like “if the girl texts you, you have to wait at least two hours. Don’t appear too eager.”. So what, if I’m instantly texting back? So what, if that happens the day after because I have a deadline at work? In the grand scheme of things, these time contests are so insignificant so why even bother? Now it happens that I respond to a message and I literally forget about it seconds after I put my phone away. It definitely helps with the neediness :)

On the other hand, in a day and age where every feedback session ends with “we need to improve our communication”, a lack of responsiveness is for me the ultimate sign of the incompetence to manage your own life as well as a lack of consideration for other people. There’s a Cantonese expression that can be translated as “hindering the planet turning” and you use it for example when someone is blocking the door entrance in the metro and consequently other people can’t enter. If your mom asks you if you’re joining for dinner tonight, then you let her know as soon as possible so she can make the appropriate preparations. There’s no need to wait two hours to respond. It’s about making life easier for everyone and not being a blocking factor. Modern technology allows us to communicate in fast and efficient ways. I don’t see the point to switch back to the rhythm of pigeon mail.

But in life, life happens. Yeah, we agreed to go on a date but I was on holidays for two weeks, then something medical came up for her, then agendas were full. It took weeks to actually meet up. Patience is a virtue. If you think about it, there would be no fundamental difference in meeting up today or two months earlier or later. The basics would remain the same, getting to know each other. There’s no hurry, at least not for me. Often we give ourselves a lot of dating pressure but it’s not something you can force. You can drive it but not force it. And if nothing happens, it was not meant to be. Easy as that. Also remember, my dear children of the night, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

I know you’re all dying to know what board games we played. Well, we played Mikado and Stratego. I was the loser.

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