Category: Behind the Scenes (page 1 of 6)

Cheap cocktails, white beaches and a place that more or less denies the existence of the coronavirus, what else do you need to wind down? Welcome to Zanzibar. Hakuna matata! I escaped from reality, at least my Dubai reality which in objective terms is not too bad compared to 99% of the world right now. But still, a mental break was needed. I wanted to get out of here I told people.

No regrets. Sometimes life is a video game where you go to a certain place and all your health gets magically restored.  I had more “adventures” in those three days than the past six months. Was it a sense of regained freedom, the carefree and mask-free vibe on the island or just the holiday mindset? I feel a lot has to do with the random encounters during socialising. Social distancing is often just a conceptual thing today far away from the desired 2 meters apart. But the face masks are not very inviting to start a conversation. Gone are the days when you hear those little, random remarks from strangers  during a shared experience “that guy is gonna sleep on the couch tonight” when a couple is having an argument in public or “I hope he didn’t shit his pants” when a guy rushes to the toilets.

I didn’t make an effort to use dating apps or set up some connections. I thought about it but I was more interested in keeping myself company than finding someone else to hang out with. I wanted my stay to be as convenient as possible without any obligations, drama or interference. Taking a break from your environment, your life is no different than hitting the pause button on your dating existence. Sometimes you’re good with just being on your own. Sometimes you actually need to take time for yourself.

I do wish there was a pair of soft hands to rub my strong shoulders of steel and triangle-shaped back with sunscreen during my attempts to assimilate the local population in terms of skin colour. Instead, I’m shedding skin now like a self-conscious snake (they tend to not feel very comfortable in their own skin). A change in scenery got me a nose full of fresh air but also mosquitoes who kept me awake at night (while writing this I realise there’s a thing called malaria…). The perfect place doesn’t exist and that’s fine. What’s more important is that you’re in a different headspace. You get to see how your grass actually looks like from the other side. Maybe it re-confirms that that person is the one you want to be with. Perhaps there was nothing inadequate with the dozen of potential mates who came to solicit but you were a bit too picky. Or you realise that you prefer boobs over bum.

Holidays. Cheap cocktails, white beaches but above all, a place for a reality check.

Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.

If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!

I have never paid for sex in my life nor do I intend to in the future. It’s not because I find it dirty or sad or immoral. There are worse things in life to spend your money on, such as 12 shots of tequila at 4am in the morning, energy sessions from a holistic life coach or gold-plated Louis Vuitton face masks. Taking a hooker for a ride or hiring an escort for a job is a voluntary choice. It’s entirely in my control and thus perfectly suited to be one of my life principles. Everyone needs something unbreakable, something undeniable, something that’s always true. How else can you keep yourself straight in such a fluid world? If not exchanging money for sexual services may bring that comfort, than so be it, as silly as it may sound.

I wonder who the providers and clients are. We have this image of frustrated, dirty old men with greasy lips visiting human-trafficked girls with big boobs coerced by a pimp. Truth is, I think it could be anyone. I’ve read some articles  on sugar mommies and sugar daddies, on strippers hosting online shows during lockdown, on promiscuous Snapchat/TikTok/OnlyFans users who are using a subscription model to sell “premium” aka naughty content to followers. Then I also learnt that there’s a whole industry of selling used panties and what you have not. I imagine the people involved are not awkward figures on the outskirts of society, at least not all of them (but some of them may have their skirts out hahaha). Next time you’re in the gym, just ask yourself, “That girl doing leg raises, is she a lady of pleasure?” or when you’re doing your groceries, “That dude at the check-out, what else did he pay with that credit card?“.

My prostitute-dar is still primitive but underwent some calibration over the years. Night clubs are always tricky. The majority of females dress in a way that exposes more skin than Facebook uncovers fake news. Did my new pheromone-infused perfume work or did her augmented reality glasses just mark “potential customer” on my forehead? Are they really interested in my collection of monuments of the world or is this the chit-chat before talk about price and location? When I open Tinder here, by all means, in a quest for true love and meaningful connection, it looks like Andy in Whorederland. Most of the profiles are catered to selling sex or so-called massages. Telephone numbers are displayed conveniently in pictures and profiles. The bio says “self-employed” or “working in the entertainment industry“. Of course, we also have the photos that contain more curves than a Formula One track and more breathtaking positions than an advanced yoga class. Occasionally I fall into the trap of the more subtle ladies. During the conversation the red flags raise quickly. Then I’ll ask something like “Do you provide services?” . She responds “xxx” . I love taking huge risks in life so I drop the “How much?” line. It’s amazingly cheap and there’s probably still room for negotiation but haven’t bothered to continue.

One thing is certain, pussy follows the money. In certain parts of the world the champagne flows freely and this attracts beautiful and horny bodies from all places. There’s enough supply and enough demand. Everything is happening in plain sight. Plenty of stories of someone who actually doesn’t have an official job or does something like “house sitting“. Yet she appears to live a pretty luxurious lifestyle and wears a designer wardrobe. On the other hand, if you’re working at the bottom of the carnal food chain, you need to finish a lot of customers to survive… But money aside. How do these girls date I wonder, both the brothel sister and the high-end escort. If they have a partner, what kind of dynamic is there in play? There’s the physical part but how do they deal with the emotional labour? Don’t call a hoe just a hoe!

Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.

If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!

69 Dates is a purely creative endeavor. I put my words and thoughts out there for people to read. It’s a fact that my little artistic space takes up some bytes on the interwebz. I could guess I might generate some laughs or trigger some disagreeing reactions now and then.  I never stood still on the impact I’m making, or not making. But it warms my heart when I learn I created a ripple.

Not sure how many hearts got broken last year during the pandemic. I know of at least one. I met the owner during one of my travels. I don’t recall how we ended up having long conversations during lockdown but she kept me up-to-date about this one boy. A boy that seemed perfect but wasn’t.  She was a truly tortured soul, a victim of enormous heartache, a troubled mind stuck (indoors). I couldn’t really relate with the heartburn or sleepless nights. I was lucky enough to not have experienced this or maybe I was too ignorant to acknowledge these things. It’s how you see it. Yet I tried providing her encouragements, a different perspective and a way out. One sentence at a time. 

Everyone has a way to cope with life, especially during the difficult moments. Her outlet was poetry which culminated in a published work. The chapbook is available on Amazon here.

Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.

If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!

In the wake of the COVID-19 health crisis, businesses faced unprecedented challenges and disruptions. The pandemic changed the way we work for good… Oops, wrong place.

What a year it has been. A  year of rediscovering my neighbourhood during my walks, baking sourdough and banana bread and little moments of gratitude. But I also had my lows… Sorry, wrong post again.

The counter stopped at 51 posts. It’s not that much but it’s something already. I took the time to quickly re-read all the posts I wrote in 2020. Many times I giggled with the way I put things in words and with the references I made. References that were top of mind by then, inspired by the conversations and experiences I had. I can’t always recollect what it was all about but it’s a pleasure to read it all back. 

I wrote 22 posts in 2020 which is considerably less compared to 2019 (29). 13 of those are dates (same number as 2019). My general feeling is that the posts became heavier in length and content. The comedy aspect is luckily still there but even during writing I noticed that some posts got serious. Sometimes a bit too serious to my liking. I can’t really say I have been writing consistently. Life happened. Then I moved to Dubai where I deliberately starting putting more effort in dating again. The pace was frantic. I went on 10 dates in a span of two months, with some follow-up dates in-between.

Those two months prove my point that dating is a number’s game. I got ghosted several times. While I’m curious to know why, I’m okay with not having that closure. I could see myself making friends with some of my dates and with some other girls I’m good with not meeting up again. It’s also reassuring that in a “difficult” dating market like Dubai, it’s possible to find decent company. The heavy filtering is sometimes quite tiring though. I’m talking about online dating as most of my dates I met online. I didn’t really experience the dating scene at night as bars and clubs are open but you need to stay in your own bubble. Or as the big, black security guy said, “No dancing. Sit the fuck down”. 

A year in review wouldn’t be one without a list:

• Best post: On Taking Public Transport (This is what 69 Dates is about. Real life experience cum entertainment cum wisdom)
• Weakest post: On Staying Home (This post was written after/during a crazy period of travelling through five continents, weekly commutes abroad for work, preparing my move to Dubai while keeping a busy agenda during weekends. While it probably had therapeutic value for me and the inspiration was raw, it’s not really relevant to dating and relationships)
• Most entertaining post: On Spring Mornings (Arguably the best limerick ever written. Being in lockdown and unemployed is such a blessing)
• Most profound post: On Commitment (As I started dating someone exclusively, I wonder why there’s such a relentless fixation on all-encompassing commitment while healthy relationships are also built upon other foundations)
• Most read post: #15 Ice Cream Date | On Setting Expectations (But the top 5 most read are pretty close to each other)
• Most memorable date: #16 Beer Brewery Date | On Taste (Great beer and of course, amazing company. A virtual tasting is a if not the perfect stay-at-home date. The tasting is going on but you also have the liberty to focus on each other)

Since the beginning up till today, people ask me what I’ll do with the blog if I meet someone. Well, I guess we’ll find out in the coming months (or not, it’s complicated #logistics). My view is that the writing shouldn’t stop unless I’m paralysed and can’t type anymore but even then, look at Stephen Hawking… 

Chapter 2020, closed.

If you haven’t made new year’s resolutions yet, here’s one: share 69 Dates with strangers and not-so-strange people. 

Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.

If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!

What would you be thinking if you’re about to say yes to someone who has been divorced thrice? Would there be hint of doubt in the back of your mind followed by #YOLO, better go for it otherwise I’ll never find out? Or would you be thinking of your SWOT-analysis and that the pros outweigh the cons? What would the triple separation champion be thinking? “Hopefully the food is better than last three times” “This time, it’s going to be different” “I’m so blessed with this one“

Let’s take someone who has been in six committed relationships in the past nine years. What can you say about this person? Is he/she foolish or brave, lucky or unlucky, mature or irresponsible? A lot of people struggle with finding the right one but apparently this person found The One six times already! Do we applaud the continuous commitment of this serial monogamist or should we worship the calculated casualness of a serial dater? You could argue that it’s not about the quantity but about the quality. If each of these relationships have been enriching and worth it for both parties but for whatever reason it didn’t work out, there isn’t a lot to say right? Or is there, as a real relationship is supposed to last through thick and thin…

I witnessed many stories first-hand and many more second-hand on the onslaught of infidelity, lingering resentment and miserable complaints between couples. Yet people remain together. Is it the fear of being alone, not wanting to lose face to friends and family or avoiding the break-up pain? Maybe it’s something you’re supposed to do? How much effort is healhty and reasonable, when does it become insane and futile? Even if the highs are really high, how low is too low? I guess many people are balancing the act of working for it or making it work, and acknowledging it’s actually a lost cause or not worth it. A little suffering never killed nobody but the should-I-stay-or-should-I go phase is way beyond that. What I’ve heard and seen exceeds pain and hardship. It’s months or maybe years of voluntary emotional trauma, sometimes ending in a therapist’s office or with substance abuse.

I’m wondering if we’re not confusing commitment itself with what (we expect) flows out of commitment.  Is commitment the ultimate goal or is it the means to an end? Aren’t we just looking for a companion where we can be ourselves? A safe space away from the crazy world out there, driven by familiarity, tranquility and predictability. Someone who we can depend on, share, explore and create with. Or is this all bullshit and is commitment just not banging someone else? Looking at adultery statistics, it seems it isn’t a very strong basis. Then we haven’t even taken into account the hidden intentions and temptations from an emotional perspective. I have no problem with commitment but if I see how destructive and forceful this commitment stuff is, then it leaves a pretty bleak outlook in the world of dating and relationships. Of course, commitment is also pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, definitely.

You see people freely using the I love you’s, forevers, bests and other absolutes and superlatives like a chubby kid home alone with a can of whipped cream in the fridge. But what is the value of all this? What is the value of commitment? Is it mainly conforming to societal standards or is there more than this? If so, why does it cause so much trouble and headaches along the way?

Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.

If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!