Category: Behind the Scenes (page 2 of 6)

I don’t think I’m particularly good at handling spicy food. Yet I was disappointed by “Frank’s RedHot Xtra Hot Cayenne Pepper Sauce”. It didn’t really pack the punch for me as the slogan “Real heat, real flavor” depicted. Sometimes you want it to hurt, to burn, to sting. As if it almost lets you escape from reality. When your mouth is on fire, I’m  pretty sure you’re not worrying about climate change or replaying the embarrassing mental video of you walking in a crowded room with your zipper open. Next time someone talks about wanting to be in the moment, tell them to munch some chili peppers instead of doing meditation or breathing exercises. 

I’ve been pondering the question if food preferences are linked to personality types. Will the novelty-seeking adventurer prefer crunchy cereal over plain porridge? Does the risk-averse cook use relatively less sugar and salt? I’m open for suggestion but already sense an untapped market opportunity. I see a bestseller in the making, called “Why French fries and ice cream don’t go together – The Culinary Personality ^© explained”, a popular dating app “Chewy ^©” and self-development seminars with wild cheering named “Unleash your hidden tastes”.

Food and drinks do spice up lives. I sometimes drink carbonated drinks after days of only drinking water to feel something different in my mouth. I also sometimes date black girls after months of only dating white girls to feel something different in my mouth. All tastes matter. The more tastes, choices there are, the harder it is to make a pick. Ordering food is like dating. Sometimes you don’t pick what you know is tasty but go for something else on the menu. Taking a risk and a break from the familiar. Just because you can or feel like it. Perhaps you want to taste the excitement of something different. Now and then you have to make a decision between the long-term healthy stuff and the short-term junk food. A lot of people think they are adventurous but actually they are not. They order many different pizzas, such as:

• Margherita. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, and oregano
• Marinara. Tomato sauce, garlic and basil
• Quattro Stagioni. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, mushrooms, ham, artichokes, olives, and oregano
• Carbonara. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, parmesan, eggs, and bacon
• Frutti di Mare. Tomato sauce and seafood
• Quattro Formaggi. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, parmesan, gorgonzola cheese, artichokes, and oregano
• Crudo. Tomato sauce, mozzarella and Parma ham
• Napoletana or Napoli. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, oregano, anchovies
• Pugliese. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, oregano, and onions
• Montanara. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, mushrooms, pepperoni, and Stracchino (soft cheese)
• Emiliana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, eggplant, boiled potatoes, and sausage
• Romana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, anchovies, capers, and oregano
• Fattoria. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, peppers, peas, porchetta (Italian spit-roasted pork)
• Schiacciata. Olive oil and rosemary
• Prosciutto or Cardinale. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ham, and oregano
• Americana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, sausage and french fries
• Prosciutto e Funghi. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ham, and mushrooms
• Braccio di Ferro. Mozzarella, spinach, ricotta cheese, and parmesan
• Sarda. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, pecorino cheese, and spicy salami
• Tonno. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, tuna, and onions
• Valtellina. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, bresaola, Parmesan flakes and rocket
• Gorgonzola. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, gorgonzola, and olives
• Calzone (folded pizza). Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ham, mushrooms, artichokes, anchovies, and oregano.
• Pizza al Pesto. Tomato, mozzarella, Genoese pesto, pine nuts, and olives
• Mediterranea. Tomato sauce, buffalo mozzarella, cherry tomatoes and pepper
• Ortolana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, and assorted vegetables
• Diavola. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, spicy salami, and chilli pepper
• Rustica. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, gorgonzola cheese, and eggplants
• Contadina. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, asparagus, mushrooms, bacon, and parmesan.
• Parmigiana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, eggplants and parmesan flakes
• Capricciosa. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ham, artichokes, mushrooms, and olives
• Ricotta e Spinaci. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ricotta cheese, and spinach.
• Mare e Monti. Mozzarella, tomato sauce, seafood and porcino mushrooms
• Padana. Tomato sauce, parmesan cheese, salami, zucchini, and polenta (boiled cornmeal)
• Tedesca. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, and Vienna Sausage.
• Tirolese. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, gorgonzola cheese and speck
• Boscaiola. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, porcino mushrooms and bacon
• Campagnola. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, corn and sausage
• Vegetariana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella and a various vegetable
• Bufalina. Tomato sauce, Buffalo mozzarella, and oregano
• Fontana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, gorgonzola cheese, radicchio, and parmesan
• Francescana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, porcino mushrooms, ham, and parmesan
• Pizza tartufata. Mozzarella, truffle cream, and porcini mushrooms
• Tricolore. Mozzarella, bresaola, and parmesan flakes
• Valdostana. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, fontina cheese and bacon
• Caprese. Mozzarella and sliced ​​tomato
• Fiori di zucca. Mozzarella, courgette flower, anchovies and olive oil
• Bismarck. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, ham, and fried egg
• Funghi. Tomato sauce, mozzarella, mushrooms, parsley and olive oil
• Mimosa. Mozzarella, cream, ham and corn

But in the end they are still eating a pizza.

Variation is the spice of life they say. Agreed, but if it doesn’t satisfy your hunger then you better start meal-prepping.

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“Hi”, I said, to the two teenage girls. They clumsily attempted to open the front door. It was almost like a scene from Home Alone. I casually checked my mailbox while they carried out the sheer impossible task of turning a key 720 degrees clockwise. There was a flyer inside from a psychic medium with an exotic sounding name. “Fast solution for all ur business, love, finans, study, family problems. Protekcion against negatif influences and enemies. Treatment for infertility and impotens. 100% success garantied.” it read. I have a bright future ahead it seems. But giggles and chuckles disturbed my Nigerian dream. The two girls rushed inside. All that was left was an open door. Then an epiphany hit me like puberty struck my vocal chords. They are so fucking young, djeez. Or am I just getting older?

I hit puberty when life was still mainly offline. The internet started booming. DVDs were high-tech material. It was the time of Pokémon, Runescape and exciting pop music. I could have put more great nostalgic material here but my memory of those distant times is kind of foggy. I would say it was a rather relaxing era. It was just my little teenage cocoon and my “normal” coming of age struggles. Today the world wide web influences and pressurises teens. Global blessings and suffering shape and connect their lifestyle and worldview. What a world to grow up in. In this information age, I’m wondering how teenagers actually (learn to) date. Maybe sliding in DMs is the new approaching. Perhaps online communities are slowly replacing face-to-face groups as preferred meeting place. It might be that (s)exploration takes a shortcut. Tutorials about everything and answers to any question are up for grabs on the internet. There’s no excuse to be a child anymore. Or am I just getting old and unaware?

I say that on average the current teenager dresses more like a grown-up than my generation. When I walk down a shopping street I can’t tell whether someone is 13 or 23. “They all look the same to me” to quote a white person. The boys are easier to estimate. Guessing the age of girls is like playing darts. You shoot and you hope it lands on the right spot. Teenagers are growing up quickly it seems. They are influencer, entrepreneur, political activist, pop star, you name it. These young talents are taking over the world.

Calm down, bro. The exception is not the rule. What gets attention the most is not per se the norm. Crazy dating stories are special cases. In the few encounters I had with youngsters lately, I noticed they had big dreams and ideals. Sometimes there was a plan behind it. But foremost there was a lot of youthful innocence and naiveté. The range of a young person especially when it comes to life and social experience is undoubtedly shorter. I guess they still have a way to go, which is a good thing. I need to roll my eyes now and then. But the times they are a-changin’.

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I love to play Big Two. It’s a card game using poker combinations. That’s why the game is also called Chinese poker. Big Two is fast-paced, unforgiving and addictive. It requires tactical insight, the ability to offend the other players and luck. You can play many cards and combinations but never the ‘Race card’. Neither will I. It’s easy to play the victim in times like these. Just like in Big Two, in life you get dealt bad cards or you sit next to a weak or strong (that’s usually me, hihi) player who disrupts your chi. Sometimes you win some, sometimes you dim sum. I’m happier finding ways to actually improve my Big Two game (although it’s already near perfect, hihi) than to complain about how the odds are stacked against me.

It’s common knowledge that Pokémon have special abilities. I’m not a Pokémon as a matter of fact but I believe I have a couple of Asian qualities that help me navigate the dating world. 

You may have heard that if you put a bunch of Asians together, they make an awful lot of noise, even without karaoke or mahjong. Asian households are usually jam-packed with stuff and even more stuff. I’ve never seen the real colour of the floor and the walls of the house I grew up in. There’s no shame in hoarding and kitsch is still art. Chaos and overstimulation are not unknown to me. Today, I juggle dates, texts, phone calls and needy behaviour from my (high-)main(tenance) harem and side pieces like it’s nothing. If love is a minefield then I’m out there alive and kicking it while simultaneously rope skipping the alphabet and dancing the Macarena with clown boots.

I’m a master of Korean BBQ. I never say it’s too spicy even if my eyes are tearing and my mouth is burning. I never give up on a girl like I never put down the heat of the grill. I’m never afraid of the splattering oil. Oil is sizzling and sizzling is euphoria. Pssssshhhh, heat it, eat it.

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Rays of sunlight beautify my face
On the balcony with drum ‘n bass
There is my neighbour
Sun, bikini flavour
Bless the booty of the human race

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Chances are that in the last couple of weeks you have been boozing in front of your computer or with your smartphone. Not alone but with some friends, family or colleagues. Maybe you had some red wine in a STORSINT glass from IKEA or another type of juice in another type of glass from another store. Whatever it was, you were engaging in on-nomi which means online drinking in Japanese. White people invented different labels to pinpoint the same activity: skyperitivo, e-apero, quarantini, vocktail (virtual cocktail), all the same thing.

I think it’s something nice to do. Once in a while. After all, not so many people have significant weekly updates to share these days. Take some time to build up some novelty, will you. So next time we can have a fresh conversation about the zucchini you prepared in the oven at 200 degrees Celsius instead of 180. I’d love to hear how you clap your hands at eight o’clock sharp every day except on the days you were serving chicken wings from the barbeque for your invitees. Your personal observations on how you deal with the quarantine are excellent records for the anthropological body of work of mankind, please share.

Are these on-nomis actually helping us in coming together? To a certain extent. Sometimes it’s just something to keep us occupied. Another two hours away from playing Assassin’s Creed or watching Tiger King, well done. Now I feel less bad about myself about how I’m wasting opportunities in life, grazie mille.
I believe that the power of absence is stronger than presence. Leaving space with nothing will create more fulfillment than stuffing the space with just anything. Spending time with someone can foster a connection but not spending time can equally deepen the bond. The anticipation before or nostalgic reminiscence after are often more powerful than the experience itself.

So what are you, a world-renowned and influential writer, trying to say? Shouldn’t I do on-nomi anymore? I don’t know. Don’t listen to me. I’m just keeping myself busy. 

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