When you go too fast, you’re too pushy. When you go too slow, you’re bound to end up in the friendzone. In the dating world there are no traffic signs. Moving at the right dating speed is some sort of a hit or miss, or not?
I met this girl via a mutual friend. Just before the end of last year. I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight but I could appreciate her. Over are the days that I’d instantly go in for the kill. Why the rush anyway. I jokingly try to cultivate my romantic side: when it’s meant to be, we’ll see each other again. The goddess of love indeed brought us together again, one month later. When there’s a mutual interest, a date is not far away.
Another two weeks later, we had our first date. She chose the ‘Act like a tourist’ date. Normally, I don’t tolerate vague logistics. You all know what’s going to happen then. But hey, when a girl takes the initiative to propose a time and place, you let her do her thing. Little did I know she was out of mobile data and the Grand Place was pretty crowded. No sign of her. I let an academic quarter pass by and decide to go to my favourite pita place nearby. But faith struck again, we bumped into each other on the way! We had food and drinks and more drinks. Fast forward a couple of days later, the weather was nice so we meet up again for some Sunday afternoon chilling in the park.
So here we are now, almost two months later since our first encounter. Was this the right dating speed? I often hear that people like to take it slow when it comes to dating. To really get to know the other person, to build trust, to just let it happen. I get that, those points are important, I agree. Here’s the thing, even more people tell me that they’re busy busy busy. Friends, family, work, travels, hobbies etc. Where does a date fit in all that?
Here’s my oversimplified view: take the girl seriously, not dating itself. Lower expectations, less tears, less drama. Your and her time are valuable, don’t waste it because society has some romantic norms, do what you feel like, right there and then. Be bold, strike the iron when it’s hot, have some ballzzz, or lose the respect of the girl, forever. (Never will I forget the look on her face when I left the date where I took it chill and slow. Was it disappointment? Was it frustration? Was is it pity? In any case, there was no second date, obviously.) Be curious but intentional, having a high-energy, flowing conversation about panda bears with a lot of laughter is a certainly super fun but weren’t you really busy and didn’t you want to actually get to know the person better? Dating is a number’s game, don’t expect to meet the one if you only go out with five people per year. Go for abundance instead of scarcity. Do you like the person or his/her attention? Do not try to convince yourself on future dates (deep down you already know the answer, sometimes even after 30 minutes). Dare to leave, rejection is a bitch and thank her anyway. Be honest, first with yourself then with others.
With more date experience, comes a better feeling on what you like and dislike in a girl. You see through her feminity, her good perfume, her “impressing” stories. You actually learn how to relentlessly filter. I have a couple of questions with high discriminating value. “What book are you reading?”, few survive this one, it’s a slaughterhouse.
There’s a lot more I want to share but for the sake of brevity, I close this one. I think I have enough material for three to four posts… Stay tuned!
I know you’re all dying to know which park we visited. Well, it was Bois de la Cambre, one of my favourite spots in Brussels.
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