Category: Dates (page 3 of 10)

She told me she was meeting some friends before our date. Cool, no problem, I’m going to the beach earlier to chill and read my book I said. She could show up whenever she was done. She showed up in a thick sweater. The type I’d wear when I’ll make a trip to visit Siberia’s permafrost. Mind you, it was over 40 degrees Celsius.  I was really surprised and my brain started to come up with reasons. Perhaps she was preparing for a boxing match to defend her world title and cutting weight for the weigh-in? Maybe she was allergic to the sun? Could it be that she was a bit shy to show up in beach wear? I asked her about her attire but didn’t get a clear answer. I let it go.

Until today, because I need content and ideas to write about. I’m wondering how ambiguous a beach date can be, especially if we talked about baking in the sun and swimming.  Maybe I missed some things. But if she didn’t want to go to the beach why would she pick that particular date out of all other possibilities?

It’s just a bit unfortunate. You don’t want to be in the situation where you’re told that you’re “going for a walk” and end up doing a 5-day trek to reach the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro. Or “let’s go for a quick bite” turns out to be wine & dine in some high-end restaurant. Walking around without underwear is not something I’m unfamiliar with but there’s a time and place for that. Her sweater was wet as fuck and probably heavy like knight’s armour, doing perspiring justice to the name of the garment. These mishaps happen in life and make for a good story or blog post.

We shouldn’t treat unmet expectations directly as sign of bad or lack of communication. We often hear people say that communication is the hallmark of a good relationship but if you ask what that actually means, the radio goes silent or you hear some white noise. Making too many wild assumptions should be avoided obviously but double-checking every single statement, just kills the vibe. I prefer to “live” the miscommunication and learn, discover and explore each other’s styles and preferences along the way. This is more realistic, particularly when communicating over text and at the beginning of a romantic story, than to expect a flawless interaction, perfectly in tune and harmony. 

Having tension and conflict might not always be the fun part but being able to deal with and resolve it, brings people together and to use another cliché, makes you stronger.

I know you’re all dying to know what else we did instead. Well, we found a sports bar with blasting A/C.

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Holy shit, date number 35… I’m halfway through my list of 69 dates. I found it a big number at first. But actually it’s just one date a month on average. I wouldn’t call that super crazy or impressive. It just proves to me that consistency works. On the long-term, small actions add up to something significant. If you ask someone with a Netflix account to add up all the hours of watching series, it’s going to be massive. A track record of 6969 hours on the counter makes you look like a chronic binge-watcher with no life.  If you put it in the perspective of an episode a day, it sounds like you appreciate the fine art of visual story-telling.

What am I supposed to do? When I don’t go on dates, it looks like I’m undesirable and a sad single. When I do go on dates, it looks like I’m unserious and a too happy single. I was inclined to say that the numbers don’t matter that much. I changed my mind after 0.6969 seconds (that’s how fast my brain works) as numbers tell you something about the history of a person. Here is where it gets dangerous. It’s easy to start judging or making assumptions. People know this (or learnt it the hard way) and start fine-tuning the numbers. I remember I was swiping during my holidays and somehow it turned out that the majority of the girls was “just new” on the app. Maybe it was sheer coincidence, who knows. Or one time a girl was giving me a hard time because of the number of dates on this blog. Turns out she had more appointments than cases of alcohol intoxication on an intensive care unit during New Year’s Eve.

The most loyal readers on this blog already know that I’m a firm believer of using quantity to get to quality. More reference experiences mean knowing better what you want. More exposure means more chances to get lucky. However, I also find that there’s a limit to this. There’s no point in racking up 690 dates. That’s just a waste of time. Did someone say law of diminishing returns? You have to trust the process and from what I hear, when the One is there, you’ll know.

I know you’re all dying to know what “workshop” we attended. Well, we went to a place that hosted a quiz evening. Luckily we didn’t participate eventually because we didn’t know shit. 

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Technically this museum date is not the first date. Here’s what happened. We planned to go for wine (wine tasting date) for our first date but the place we had in mind was permanently closed. Thank you Google Maps for not showing that! As I was going earlier to have some shisha, read my book and do some soul-searching work (something about turning thirty) before she finished work, I went to find another place nearby. The new venue didn’t have the wine menu of  a three-star Michelin restaurant. Needless to say, that evening we couldn’t pretend to smell a bouquet of black berries with a hint of oceanic truffle or remark how balanced the Beaujolais was with its silky tannins.

Coincidentally some sort of stand-up comedy free mic started later on there. We were however on the terrace so the girl had to endure my hilarious jokes instead. She must have enjoyed it because we went on a second date, this museum date. So yeah, once you turn thirty, it seems you’re not afraid to cut some corners on your blog. Such a daredevil, almost reckless!

That’s the dating life. It doesn’t always go as planned and messes up your system. But in the long run, it usually turns out alright like a cat thrown out of a window from the eight floor. Perfect circumstances are an ideal. The right conditions appear now and then. Less than optimal situations happen all the time. So we take the grapes and make the best wine possible out of it. Some grapes might turn out a bit more sour than expected, or surprisingly sweet. You prefer red ones but somehow ended up with white ones, that’s still better than the people in Afghanistan now. But always go for seedless grapes otherwise some vine will grow in your tummy. 

I notice this waiting-for-the-perfect-guy/girl and the perfect date and the perfect situation a lot. Yes, have your standards and non-negotiables (seedless grapes only!) but these should help you in finding what you want, not restricting it. 

I know you’re all dying to know what cultured place we visited. Well, it was an immersive digital art gallery of Van Gogh and some Japanese stuff. Pretty cool I must say.

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A good thing about going for coffee or drinks for a date is that you can eject quickly when things go south. Just take your parachute and jump. See ya later, alligator! In other instances, you’re stuck with the other person for some time. This could mean heaven or hell.

I guess there’s a sweet spot in terms of duration of a first date. I’d say between 2-4 hours. One hour seems a bit rushed and feels like a business meeting. Lengthy dates on the other hand increase the risk of losing the good vibe or sharing too much information. It’s only a first date so no reason to spill all the beans. A first date is in essence also not fucking up. Just act normal and cool.

I guess it’s also personal style or preference. My energy is usually more laidback so I need more time to connect. Someone  super enthusiastic would definitely get more crosses behind his/her name during a speed date.  For me, seven minutes is not enough to charm the girlz. But sometimes you already know after a couple of minutes that the other person is better off making someone else happy. You try to put your preconceptions and first impression aside and give her/him a fair chance. It’s hard. It’s like stop focusing on someone who uses a certain filler word. Once you hear it, you can’t unhear it. It starts to annoy you and then you punch the person in the face. No second date.

For a second date, I feel it can be a long one. You already know the other person is an acceptable human being and you don’t need to be overly polite anymore. You can relax and release the fart you’ve been holding in for hours. It’s also the time to dig deeper and get a glimpse of all the mental baggage and trauma behind the pretty face. Just kidding, it’s an opportunity to uncover hidden interests and listen to cool stories. After Date 2, it should be clear in which direction it’s going and if you’re going alone or together.

When in doubt, take your parachute and jump.  After a while, crocodile!

I know you’re all dying to know where we went. Well, we drove to another emirate for a beach we couldn’t find.

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There was a period in my life where my ability to memorise unpractical knowledge was tested twice a year. It coincided with a strict training regimen. In particular my liver went through tough times. The almost daily sessions in dim, ill-ventilated places were gruelling and could only be sustained with a diet of cheap processed meat, French fries and garlic sauce. I learnt in the classes I didn’t attend that someone’s personality can be observed in both direct and indirect ways. An example of a direct way is through a personality questionnaire ( “What is your MBTI?” – Every girl interested in astrology). An indirect way could be observing someone in his/her natural habitat (“I let him pay everything because I wanted to see how he would react” – Every feminist  believing in equality).

The ice skating rink is the perfect spot for observing people while gliding over the ice with your hands behind your back. It looks very sophisticated and you can cover your tramp stamp at the same time.  I would even say that the ice rink by extension is a metaphor for life. Kids have fun on the ice even if they fall flat on their faces. The hot girl in the middle does tricks (pirouettes and crazy jumps). Adults on skates overthink and get paralysed by fear. Making contact with a cold, hard surface is indeed not the same as making contact with a soft, bouncy trampoline. The fear of falling and maybe even more pertinent, the fear of failing occur often near the ice.

It’s a pretty uncomfortable feeling to not feel stable and lose your balance. You look ridiculous too. Perhaps you think the people on and off the ice are watching every single move but truth is, they are not. It’s all in your head (it’s called the spotlight effect). The bigger question for me is how you deal with such situations. Will you still be glued to the handrail after the 1.5 hour ice skating session or will you be in the middle of the arena, albeit looking like you invented a new style of penguin dance. These moments can reveal someone’s tendency or attitude. But let’s not forget that one moment doesn’t define a person. 

I like to go on dates that have more action than sitting at the opposite end of the table either sippin’ or chewin’. More action creates more opportunities to observe each other. You can brag yourself through a conversation and put up a front but it’s hard to continuously fake behaviour in a more dynamic situation. Besides, who likes a date to feel like a job interview anyway where you have to plough through the same 10-15 questions first to get a glimpse of the real person behind the face.

We all know someone who would blame the low quality of the ice skates or the distracting reggae dancehall music of the DJ, for his/her poor ice skating skills. Most people put knowing how to ice skate in their I don’t-really-care bucket. Assuming that it’s thus a pretty low stakes situation and not really tied to their identity, I wonder how such a person would react when something more significant arises.

Attitude is everything. If there’s a difficult conversation to be had, will you put it under the carpet for 1.5 months or will you face the other person, even if your delivery will be messy and confusing at some point. Your vibe can be cool, your looks alluring but it’s your mentality that determines how you deal and look at things. When you want to have something more meaningful and soulful with the other person, a similar mindset certainly helps. I believe it’s not up to me to change someone’s attitude. If I wanted to, I’d market myself as coach and get paid for it. Especially, in the early stages of dating, there should be an uncompromising evaluation if the other person’s attitude is suitable for you. It takes a lot of honesty to look past the initial optimism and hope. Otherwise one might be treading on thin ice in the future…

I know you’re all dying to know how many times we fell. Well, we live by our motto, YOFO, you only fall once.

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