Category: Dates (page 4 of 10)

My dating life is as inconsistent as the reviews on your favourite shopping site. One moment it’s as if I’m in the desert without a signal. The only messages I’d receive are these “25% off – seasonal discount” texts. Some time later, I’d have to charge my phone 6.9 times a day to keep up with the steamy flirtations. In those moments I wonder if I should hire a personal assistant to keep my sanity. This date happened in such kind of period. Then Ramadan started…

I decided to participate in Ramadan which included for me, among other things, a dating detox. No texting, no dates, no swiping. Nothing haram basically. I informed all involved parties and said “ciao bella, cya next month“. I feel I managed it quite well. I wasn’t really tempted to sneak in a message or any other forbidden action. Unsurprisingly actually, as you all know I’m a good, halal boy. At the time of writing, Ramadan will end tomorrow. I’m curious how everything will play out. Will we pick up where we left off? Did she get pregnant in the meantime? Did I subconsciously process stuff for the last 30 days and will I start vomiting when I interact again with a particular girl? So many pertinent questions to answer!

I earlier wrote on an insightful blog on dating and relationships that it happened before that either the girl or myself went on holidays after a date. We left each other on good, sometimes even outstanding terms. I don’t remember if we were in touch very frequently during our separation but things were definitely different when we returned. It remains a mystery where it went south. I’m a firm believer in giving each other space. Mental space, physical space, space for imagination and desire. I’m also aware that in order to make it work, you have to be present, be there, be part of her reality. Out of sight, out of mind… Especially when you haven’t build a true, deep connection yet.

You could debate if this test of time is relevant or not. Disney lovers think life is some sort of fairy tale where things are meant to be and true love prevails no matter what. Hardcore cynics find it messes with people’s mind and heart. My opinion is that it’s inconsistent as the survival rate of vegetables in my fridge. Only time (and hopefully not the acidy taste in my mouth) can tell…

I know you’re all dying to know how the kayaking went. Well, we peddled and talked non-stop but the wind and current kept us in almost the same area.

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I imagined my first time in a cat café quite differently. I always thought it as a homy place where cats where roaming around, occasionally jumping in your lap because they can do whatever the fuck they want. It’s their palace, their turf, their territory, rawr! It actually felt more like I ended up in an aquarium instead of pussy kingdom. Instead of swimming with the fish, I was  watching cats in a box. I sat there awkwardly, not sure if I should play with the cats, talk with my date or avoid eye contact with the two supervisors who were making sure the well-being of the four footed animals was safeguarded. All in all, it was a weird experience. Being there was like tasting a banana candy, it seemed a bit artificial.

I assume the cats were not sedated. I actually think these feline creatures are being well taken care off. The cats however seemed a bit apathetic. I asked a couple of these mini tigers the question if they were happy but they didn’t answer me… I guess the constant stream of humans who try to get your attention, take a picture with you or pet you in an unpleasant way, make you a bit aloof. You’re literally an attraction for people. They pay per hour for your company and entertainment. It’s not clear to me if cats have feelings and need to feel valued but it’s no wonder that in these circumstances they retreat back in their own world of snoozing. I wonder if they meow to each other in cat language when the cat café closes. “dude, what a shitty day, too many children poking me. Couldn’t even lick myself in peace” 

The dating world today is a bit like that cat café. Like the kitty cats, people are stuck inside. They are alive but not really living. Life does become a bit meaningless between four walls. When you’re contained, you can’t be bothered. Someone luring you with a noisy ball or moving a feather on a stick in front of your nose? Don’t care. A picture of an attractive girl/guy? Yeah, whatever. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit. I wouldn’t say that there is a widespread defeatist attitude among single people. But I do notice from time to time the absence of real excitement.  If dating nowadays is simplified to a process of screening, matching and chatting, then it’s understandable that people are not very eager and enthusiastic to date anymore. Especially not after going through the motions a few times. It would be a different story if someone met the same chick/dude during a social event or in a more organic way.

I do hope things get back to normal soon and I can connect with kittens and cougars through the real world. Yes, most places are not in full lockdown anymore and people are meeting up. But the mingling is limited. Most people stick with their own company (and they should). It all happens from a distance. Only looking but no touching.

But maybe we can throw paper planes with a message to the other side of the room or ask the waiter to drop a note to another table. Could this work?

I know you’re all dying to know which cat was our favourite. Well, it was the huge, fluffy cat that was just chilling in the corner.

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There’s a Flemish expression that says that you can best learn to bike on an old bike. It means the best way to gain (sexual) experience is to go to someone older than you. Usually you’ll hear this come out of the acne-surrounded mouth of a teenager acting like a tough boy in front of his friends (I didn’t display any of this type of behaviour, not even in 2008). All this has nothing to do with what I wish to say in this post but just wanted to show what a cultured man I am.

There’s a saying that you’ll never forget how to ride a bike. I can confirm it’s true. After so many months, maybe even years, I was back on track in two seconds. The girl I was with had more trouble adjusting but eventually she was cruising like a West Coast rapper. Being a bit more mobile allowed us to move around. We had to make tough decisions, navigate the urban jungle and experience the unplanned together. It once more proves that doing things together triumphs over sitting together on a date. I’m now at a point where I’m judgemental about someone who says “let’s go for drinks or coffee”. The lack of imagination and creativity makes my head more nauseous than a COVID-19 vaccine.

Every pot has its lid as the saying goes. Compatibility is often overlooked when it comes to dating. I often hear for example, that it’s important that someone has humour. Well, just look up ten different comedians and you’ll understand why you’ll not like every funny person. The person also has to fit you. With an ill-fitting face mask, you’ll have trouble breathing. It causes inconvenience and if you try to overadjust the elastic band might snap. Worse still, you start wearing it on your chin, defeating the purpose all together. I know, 100% compatibility would probably be a scenario that everyone dreams of.

I once encountered a profile online that had a whole list of requirements. She was insanely specific about things: “wants to have lots of children” “treats me like a lady and gives flowers often” and something with children getting baptised by the Orthodox Church. Good luck with that but I admire her no-nonsense attitude. She’s right though. There are certain things that are hard to overcome. Probably all the things that have to do with morals and values. If you need to throw away, sacrifice, put aside all what you stand for or believe in to be with someone, is this person actually a good choice?

Imagine you’re in shop and you spot an item you really like and instantly fall in love with. It’s even better than all the things you saw when you were scrolling online. But it’s not your size. What do you do? A little stretch doesn’t hurt right or baggy is the new fashion right? I haven’t really figured this one out yet. It’s a tough balance between enjoying while it lasts and making it work. In my case at the moment, I only buy when it fits perfectly and always slim fit. Maybe I should lose or gain weight or take the risk and wash it at 90 degrees.

One thing that is surely not compatible is the saddle of the bike and our assess. Those city bikes are very convenient but not very bum-friendly.

I know you’re all dying to know where we did our biking. Well, we biked around the Dubai Water Canal.

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I found the girl I met pretty mature for her age. It helps if you were born in one country, grew up in another one and studied abroad in two more. I was happy to converse with her, hear her stories and learn from her perspectives. So I discovered that during Arab weddings males and females are separated, and things can get pretty next-level wild and intoxicated when the doors are closed. Did somebody say body shots and dancing on tables? All age groups included. Indian weddings are multi-day affairs and by day two or three, people walk around with IV fluid drips in their arms to recover. Talk about crazyness!

Age is just a number I always say but I also experienced the undeniable biological clock of women and the expectations that come with it when it’s ticking louder. I agree that there are times when you have to be a real man and face the problem head on. But I prefer to man up later in this case and turn down my preferred maximum age limit with a couple of notches #pragmatism101 When I just became a corporate slave, I didn’t want to date student babes. There was, as the younger version of myself speculated, “a difference in rhythm of life and available leisure time which inevitably would result in incompatible energy levels and schedules“. The current version, you could say wiser and even more sexy, of myself would add that there’s also a difference in responsiblities (yes, real ones) and pressures to handle.

Over the course of this dating journey, I figured that even with all the life experience some girls are still a bit naive when it comes to dating. Someone can have been to many places, tried many foods or been on many adventures but still don’t know how to behave at the table of seduction. In a free world, of course everyone does what he or she pleases. However, there are certain manners that make it more pleasant for everyone. Some people see it as an opportunity to educate and teach how it’s done. I prefer to enjoy the 5-course meal without worrying what cutlery to use or getting frustrated by loud chewing.

The reason why I now screen for this type of “dating maturity” is that I don’t want to deal with all the insecurities and objections.  No, I don’t want to date a fearless girl who always agrees with me. I’m currently just a bit tired of explaining that dating  has more colours than only black and white. It’s like telling less well-travelled people about foreign countries you visited. No matter how hard you try, they will keep insisting on the stereotypes they believe in “that place is so dangerous and people get robbed all the time” “yeah, they eat dog meat every day” “people get beaten up because they are not a moozlim” Often the only substitute is, seeing is believing, experiencing it yourself.

Usually dating is a big thing for newbies and it clearly shows in their behaviour. The Disney beliefs and fairytale logic is probably a bad combination with someone who’s hobby is documenting real life dating experiences. Admittedly my (changing) perspectives are not the truth and sometimes, to put it mildly, highly contestable. Long story short, I prefer girls who have been out dating over the ones who just swipe or ask silly questions like “what are you looking for” or say things like “I prefer to get to know you better before meeting” and then continue to send a couple of thousands of text messages until eternity.

For me the more experienced, the better. These girls understand that dating is not perfect and sometimes it gets messy. They are okay with some type of mess, with other types, it’s ciao forever. They can spot the bullshit from miles away as they have been there before and seen it all. They know what they want and have realistic expectations. Actually their expectations are so low now that someone who has a quite honest and witty perspective on modern dating easily stands out…

I know you’re all dying to know what flavour the shisha was. Well, it was guava. Very citrusy, a bit sour but definitely fresh.

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So I’m back in the game bitchezzz. It feels like coming back from a holiday. You feel a bit sad you’re back home now but you accept it and continue with your life. Plenty of time to recollect the memories and plenty of space in the cloud to store the pictures. Mainstream wisdom dictates to “take a break and have some time for yourself” so I decided to do this as well.

In February I had enough of myself. February is the month where you think “ooh, it’s the time of the year again”. Red roses, mediocre chocolate and heart-shaped articles dominated the bestseller lists while I was trying to sell my goods on dating apps. Valentine’s day would be a perfect topic to write about but it appeared that my very first 69 Dates date was a Valentine’s date already! I came to a point where I need to check if I didn’t cover something similar before. Luckily there’s a new search function on the blog! Check it out at the bottom for easy access to invaluable insight and mischief.

We had New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s day last year, and the year before and before that. We have seen and done it all, many times. Yet we didn’t abandon it. It’s a different story when it comes to dating and relationships. I read it in the profile bios, I experience it myself (I deleted and reinstalled my profile numerous times) and notice it during conversations. People are getting impatient, frustrated and fed up with this dating thing. You stop, give it some time and start over again. Rinse and repeat. Hoping that this time someone will make a difference.

The first few dates are as exciting as seeing the first 3mm of armpit hair growing out of my body when I was 14 (or 16. I don’t remember but it doesn’t matter because it’s the same silly kid anyway). The excitement wears off quickly after you’re having similar conversations with the same statements over and over again. The first time you hear a yoga-lover talk about her trip to Bali, you’re intrigued and want to get all the details. The second time, you listen to the unique story of this small town girl and are able to drop some familiar terms and places. You instantly score brownie points. The third time, you can predict what she’s going to say and finish her sentence.

Maybe it’s a matter of attitude. It doesn’t matter what the story of someone is as long as they make you feel good. Instead of asking better questions, telling better stories, doing better dates, just ask yourself if you feel good with that person. Yes, yes, everyone nods in unison. Nothing new here. In practice, it’s already happening a lot. You often hear this in hookup culture and the casual dating circles. Feelings change easily and quickly. No surprise things don’t last. I don’t believe people are looking for the unique, one of a kind, special edition of a person that stands head and shoulders above the crowd. What do people want then? My date told me she has been on 15 dates with a couple resulting in Day 2’s and 3’s. So far, she hasn’t found her love yet. All she wants is someone who is honest and caring. I guess behind those two characteristics is a whole lot more. A long checklist may be a symptom of unrealistic expectations. A couple of non-negotiables and preferences make life and dating easier however.

Yes, sometimes the swiping and chatting feels a bit meaningless. But looking back, I learnt a lot about what I want and  like (and don’t want and dislike) from this whole dating thing. Dating is both a skill and an art. As with every skill and art, perfect practice  and trusting the process makes perfect. One repetition at a time. 

I know you’re all dying to know what we had for breakfast (technically brunch). Well, it was a breakfast buffet. There was avocado, eggs, toast and tea (and more but I can’t remember). Tasty and healty.

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