So I’m back in the game bitchezzz. It feels like coming back from a holiday. You feel a bit sad you’re back home now but you accept it and continue with your life. Plenty of time to recollect the memories and plenty of space in the cloud to store the pictures. Mainstream wisdom dictates to “take a break and have some time for yourself” so I decided to do this as well.
In February I had enough of myself. February is the month where you think “ooh, it’s the time of the year again”. Red roses, mediocre chocolate and heart-shaped articles dominated the bestseller lists while I was trying to sell my goods on dating apps. Valentine’s day would be a perfect topic to write about but it appeared that my very first 69 Dates date was a Valentine’s date already! I came to a point where I need to check if I didn’t cover something similar before. Luckily there’s a new search function on the blog! Check it out at the bottom for easy access to invaluable insight and mischief.
We had New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s day last year, and the year before and before that. We have seen and done it all, many times. Yet we didn’t abandon it. It’s a different story when it comes to dating and relationships. I read it in the profile bios, I experience it myself (I deleted and reinstalled my profile numerous times) and notice it during conversations. People are getting impatient, frustrated and fed up with this dating thing. You stop, give it some time and start over again. Rinse and repeat. Hoping that this time someone will make a difference.
The first few dates are as exciting as seeing the first 3mm of armpit hair growing out of my body when I was 14 (or 16. I don’t remember but it doesn’t matter because it’s the same silly kid anyway). The excitement wears off quickly after you’re having similar conversations with the same statements over and over again. The first time you hear a yoga-lover talk about her trip to Bali, you’re intrigued and want to get all the details. The second time, you listen to the unique story of this small town girl and are able to drop some familiar terms and places. You instantly score brownie points. The third time, you can predict what she’s going to say and finish her sentence.
Maybe it’s a matter of attitude. It doesn’t matter what the story of someone is as long as they make you feel good. Instead of asking better questions, telling better stories, doing better dates, just ask yourself if you feel good with that person. Yes, yes, everyone nods in unison. Nothing new here. In practice, it’s already happening a lot. You often hear this in hookup culture and the casual dating circles. Feelings change easily and quickly. No surprise things don’t last. I don’t believe people are looking for the unique, one of a kind, special edition of a person that stands head and shoulders above the crowd. What do people want then? My date told me she has been on 15 dates with a couple resulting in Day 2’s and 3’s. So far, she hasn’t found her love yet. All she wants is someone who is honest and caring. I guess behind those two characteristics is a whole lot more. A long checklist may be a symptom of unrealistic expectations. A couple of non-negotiables and preferences make life and dating easier however.
Yes, sometimes the swiping and chatting feels a bit meaningless. But looking back, I learnt a lot about what I want and like (and don’t want and dislike) from this whole dating thing. Dating is both a skill and an art. As with every skill and art, perfect practice and trusting the process makes perfect. One repetition at a time.
I know you’re all dying to know what we had for breakfast (technically brunch). Well, it was a breakfast buffet. There was avocado, eggs, toast and tea (and more but I can’t remember). Tasty and healty.
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