There was a period in my life where my ability to memorise unpractical knowledge was tested twice a year. It coincided with a strict training regimen. In particular my liver went through tough times. The almost daily sessions in dim, ill-ventilated places were gruelling and could only be sustained with a diet of cheap processed meat, French fries and garlic sauce. I learnt in the classes I didn’t attend that someone’s personality can be observed in both direct and indirect ways. An example of a direct way is through a personality questionnaire ( “What is your MBTI?” – Every girl interested in astrology). An indirect way could be observing someone in his/her natural habitat (“I let him pay everything because I wanted to see how he would react” – Every feminist believing in equality).
The ice skating rink is the perfect spot for observing people while gliding over the ice with your hands behind your back. It looks very sophisticated and you can cover your tramp stamp at the same time. I would even say that the ice rink by extension is a metaphor for life. Kids have fun on the ice even if they fall flat on their faces. The hot girl in the middle does tricks (pirouettes and crazy jumps). Adults on skates overthink and get paralysed by fear. Making contact with a cold, hard surface is indeed not the same as making contact with a soft, bouncy trampoline. The fear of falling and maybe even more pertinent, the fear of failing occur often near the ice.
It’s a pretty uncomfortable feeling to not feel stable and lose your balance. You look ridiculous too. Perhaps you think the people on and off the ice are watching every single move but truth is, they are not. It’s all in your head (it’s called the spotlight effect). The bigger question for me is how you deal with such situations. Will you still be glued to the handrail after the 1.5 hour ice skating session or will you be in the middle of the arena, albeit looking like you invented a new style of penguin dance. These moments can reveal someone’s tendency or attitude. But let’s not forget that one moment doesn’t define a person.
I like to go on dates that have more action than sitting at the opposite end of the table either sippin’ or chewin’. More action creates more opportunities to observe each other. You can brag yourself through a conversation and put up a front but it’s hard to continuously fake behaviour in a more dynamic situation. Besides, who likes a date to feel like a job interview anyway where you have to plough through the same 10-15 questions first to get a glimpse of the real person behind the face.
We all know someone who would blame the low quality of the ice skates or the distracting reggae dancehall music of the DJ, for his/her poor ice skating skills. Most people put knowing how to ice skate in their I don’t-really-care bucket. Assuming that it’s thus a pretty low stakes situation and not really tied to their identity, I wonder how such a person would react when something more significant arises.
Attitude is everything. If there’s a difficult conversation to be had, will you put it under the carpet for 1.5 months or will you face the other person, even if your delivery will be messy and confusing at some point. Your vibe can be cool, your looks alluring but it’s your mentality that determines how you deal and look at things. When you want to have something more meaningful and soulful with the other person, a similar mindset certainly helps. I believe it’s not up to me to change someone’s attitude. If I wanted to, I’d market myself as coach and get paid for it. Especially, in the early stages of dating, there should be an uncompromising evaluation if the other person’s attitude is suitable for you. It takes a lot of honesty to look past the initial optimism and hope. Otherwise one might be treading on thin ice in the future…
I know you’re all dying to know how many times we fell. Well, we live by our motto, YOFO, you only fall once.
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