Not so long ago I was driving to work. I was in a one-way street and a taxi in front of me stopped in the middle of the road. The black* taxi driver got out, made an apologetic gesture and disappeared. I thought “What the fuck, I need to go to work bro. You could at least stop in a way so I could pass. Being a taxi driver does not mean you can do everything you want. These road cowboys, always the same.”. I just resisted the urge to apply 69 newton of force (totally scientific explanation: F=m*a. 69N=23kg*3m/s²) to my steering wheel. A couple of seconds later he reappeared from between the parked cars, assisting a visually impaired white* woman. Aah, now I understand, that puts things into perspective. My road rage transformed into love and compassion.
After certain events, some people turn into expert football coaches-analysts, others find a new career in commenting on the art of governing the state. I usually become an amateur-philosopher. I wondered, should I feel bad if I had honked? Was it my responsibility to know what was going to happen? Should I tiptoe through life in order not to offend people? Two red lights later, I made up my mind: Given that you make assumptions on your best judgments and intentions, making assumptions is a good thing. I should not refrain from it. Life is too short to verify everything.
A lot of people who are dating struggle with the question: Does he/she like me? I think the answer should be always a simple yes. You can assume this until you receive feedback otherwise. But what about mixed signals? If you get what you want and you feel good about it, it doesn’t actually matter anymore. Someone who likes you will make it work or at least show the intention.
Assumptions, especially wrong ones, start conversations. Either you go into more detail or you get corrected. Some people will get mad, but that says more about them than yourself. People consistently assume I’m not Belgian (They ask me “Where you from?” but never the white people I’m with.) or that working in the field of HR automatically means you’re recruiting people. Do I start breathing more heavily when I hear this? Yes. Do I get offended because they are assuming this? No. If I see a woman with a shiny diamond ring on her ring finger, I assume she’s engaged or married. I could be wrong of course but so what? You can’t expect everyone to know everything. It’s not your duty to carry the weight of the world. Instead, your duty is to own your wrong assumption or to teach the other person something new.
I’m not saying you should never ask questions to check your beliefs but in a social setting, I think it’s more interesting to assume things about a person than to clinically ask questions, that’s just boring. When someone assumes someting about you, it gives you information on how you’re perceived and how the other person thinks. Also, we’re more afraid to express our candid opinion than to fart in public (except for the silent killers hehe). All for the sake of being so-called open-minded, politically correct and tolerant. Isn’t it just an excuse to avoid being responsible for your own words and dealing with the consequences? We should help people who are overly sensitive and easily offended, an assumption a day keeps the cowardice away!
* Actually the race of the persons didn’t matter at all but by just casually mentioning it, I could give this post an extra societal layer. Yes, I know what you’re thinking: genius at work.
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