Some time ago I attended an event about luv <3. One lovely speaker talked about ghosting, the act of suddenly ceasing all communication without any apparent reason. I don’t remember all the details of that talk anymore but what stuck with me is that ghosting can be both intentionally and unintentionally. Either way, being ghosted is a painful experience. People need closure, people want to know why, and some people have a fragile ego and can’t handle this kind of rejection.
I confess, I have ghosted chicks because I didn’t want to burn bridges or tell them that on second sight, they were too ugly for my taste. Average Joe/Jane would ultrasincerely say “I didn’t feel a connection”. I also ghosted ladies because I was just doing other stuff, had other priorities or just forgot about it. Average Joe/Jane would proudly say “I was busy”.
Of course, I got ghosted myself numerous times. Dating is a number’s game and ghosting is a part of that reality. Unfortunately, this desensitises you. First, you ask yourself if you should fight for it and give it one more go but then you stop caring. It’s like “ooh well, maybe it was not meant to be”, “ooh well, plenty of fish in the sea”, “ooh well, I’ll meet someone new”, “ooh well, she had bad breath anyway”, “ooh well, she doesn’t deserve me” and for misogynic serial killers it ends with “ooh well, all women are feminist whores”.
Technology fans may have have heard of the term “SaaS”, software as a service, a business model where there is usually a web-based application that is centrally hosted (for example Gmail and Dropbox). In a social setting you can speak of “DaaC”, dating as a commodity, romantic courtship that is consumed in vast quantities at the speed of light like candy bars in an open office space. In the end, you’re not tasting anything anymore, just indulging. Yet you feel so empty.
The solution? Buy less candy? One limited edition gold-coated chocolate bonbon per month? I don’t know. I keep dating fun for myself by going on different date activities. The conversation could be the same but at least the experience will be different each time. It’s never a good start when the bar staff welcomes you and your date with “the usual table in the back with the candle light?”.
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