Category: Dates (page 6 of 10)

Cultural differences, here we go again. A lot has already been said about this topic. We all know we can learn from someone of another culture because he/she can provide us with different perspectives and new insights. Sometimes understanding and communication is difficult because we’re just oblivious of certain things. As unaware as the middle-age man in shorts and white socks, carrying a huge-ass DSLR and fanny pack, who gets off  from the upper deck of the hop-on hop-off bus to get mass-produced souvenirs with a hand-made label on them. Cultural understanding is important. I believe it’s true but I’ve taken this with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, we’re still human, no matter what cloth you put on your head or spices you sprinkle on your food. Maybe being mainly influenced and surrounded by a Western culture is a bit too salty for me. After all this salt, I barely know the taste of sweet, sour, bitter and umami, even with some travelling and mixing with an international crowd on my taste buds.

It would have been a much sweeter ride if I was aware of some cultural tendencies of this girl and “her kind”. Looking back at other encounters with the same background, it makes sense now. I just did some online research as well. These “69 Dos and Don’ts of dating a [enter country or ethnicity] girl” are resourceful. I’ve should have known… But here’s the thing. Girl X is from country A, therefore I need to read chapter eleven from “The guide to cross-cultural dating for dummies”. Getting this prepared seems a bit dishonest to me, almost manipulative. What am I trying to achieve here by doing that? It would also open doors for  stereotypes and biases. On the other hand, it’s a bit foolish to disregard all your past experiences and that of others just because you want to show up with a clean slate, or believe so.

I don’t particularly enjoy cultural differences while dating. It’s distracting and hindering the mating process itself. While for the girl it might be a part of her cultural courtship DNA, for me it can be a sign of playing games and time-wasting. While something for me is no big deal, can be a dealbreaker for her. These differences can be interesting to discuss during a dinner party but it doesn’t really help to connect on an emotional level. I believe culture is just another layer we have to scratch off to get to someone’s personality. Of course, a person’s individuality is influenced by and intertwined with his/her background. If  someone is so much defined by his/her culture than I’d just have to believe the stereotypes and generalisations. Easy peasy lemon squeezy! But who wants that. I find the exceptions more interesting than the rule.

Talking about exceptions or maybe the lack of them. It struck me how clearly divided the dating market is here. My feeling is that there’s a segregation based on looks (ethnicity) and wallet (economical status). While this is pretty much universal, it’s magnified, almost exaggerated in Dubai. I had talks with different people and many of them had crystal clear preferences for dating or not dating a particular group. A strange, bitter taste…

I know you’re all dying to know what boba flavour we took. Well, we had unsweetened black and oolong milk tea. This boba shop also puts pudding in their bubble teas which is weird but okay.

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Short summary of the date: one drink, second drink, lights out.

Thank you for reading.

I watched five episodes of La Casa de Papel until my guest returned to earth after passing out and throwing up several times. It was a glorious evening. Sipping my alcoholic beverage, refilling my glass multiple times and munching on the spicy snacks I bought for the occasion. I love me time. It was especially entertaining for me as the girl acted very confident in her boozing skills before. We all know someone with a big mouth and how it usually ends up in the opposite way…

When dating you can do two things during a conversation. You can show yourself in a vulnerable way. For example, self-deprecating humour (“yo shawty, you can only see my teeth and bling bling in the dark haha”) , sharing a personal story (“and that’s how I lost my left arm and my puppy”) or an embarrassing one (“I tripped and then the tampon popped out on his white sneakers”). It has become a trend in past years to be vulnerable. To the point, you even have to announce it (“I’m going to be very real with you now”).
A different approach is the impression method. This can include the humble brag (“ooh really? I was there too but couldn’t really enjoy it because I was stuck in the VIP with Eminem, Angela Merkel and Eve, the world’s most realistic AI humanoid”), acting tough (“I’m very independent and live my own perfect life”) or pretending to be smart (“how I would describe myself in three words? Hmm. Gregarious, a tad avant-garde, sometimes esoteric. Now your turn to delineate yourself idiosyncratically. Quid pro quo”).

With many things, it’s important to know your limits, like I’ve seen and heard during this date. There’s a sweet spot where you’re in the zone and you’re the boss. The world is your Champagne oyster. There’s nothing wrong about being a bit vulnerable or showing off your value. It’s normal, it’s expected. After all, you’re just talking about yourself and convey yourself in several ways. If what you’re saying doesn’t resonate with the other, then it might be a sign that there’s no match. Fine. Just continue doing your thing.

Eventually, somebody will find value in what you say. As was the case when the girl told me (when she was still sober) that my writings gave her new perspectives on dating and is helping her on her dating journey. One person is enough.

I know you’re all dying to know what poison we drank. Well, we had vodka with either cranberry juice (disgusting) or coke.

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Who could have guessed that my time spent in university would be dominated by people with the same first letter as my last name. You see, we were not divided in groups by IQ, degree of ugliness or hometown but alphabetically. You could argue that as soon I was born as Andy The Great of House Techno, the first of his name, King of the Buffet, Protector of the Sixty-nine Kingdoms, the Father of Unacknowledged Children, I was destined to interact eighteen years later with students with similar modest last names. I think it’s underestimated how much our lives are determined by such factors, that just fall upon us. Although there are indeed plenty of ways to influence our environment and putting in some effort also helps.

This girl works in shifts and it was, to put it mildly, a nightmare to find a good time to meet. How many people do I meet or don’t get to meet in my routine life because of  differences in rhythm, geography and lifestyle? Equally important, how many of these people do I actually want to meet? Or should I meet? Sometimes I talk with my disciples about hummus and on other occasions about their prospective partner. Often they say something in terms of the desired individual characteristics, fit with that person or the type of connection they want. Less is being said about logistics and convenience. They also say that home-made ones are the best and a good olive oil is essential.

Believers tell me that in the end, love conquers all. Love is a verb and it will be worth it. “Worth it”, two words I often hear. Let’s take for example, distance from each other. A fifteen-minute commute is definitely worth it for anyone, I’d imagine. What about 45 minutes or two hours of travel time? Is an hour’s drive through crazy traffic worth more or less than one hour with two transfers by metro? I’m curious to know how people decide when “it’s worth it”. Of course, it’s personal and saying this doesn’t help anyone. My theory is that what matters the most isn’t what people have to invest but what people have to sacrifice. I know of a woman that takes a two-and-a-half-hour flight each week to see her husband. She basically lives three days in one country and four days in another. It helps that the man is a pilot, that she can almost fly for free and that the flight hours fit their schedule. Things are also easier when you’re a freelancer and you find clients that agree with you working remotely on fixed days. They have been doing this for eight years. There’s another couple (spoiler alert: it didn’t work out) that was in a similar situation. They took turns to fly in to see each other every other weekend. Their relationship sustained for months but especially the financial burden was too much to bear.

I have to agree with lazy daters when it comes to logistics. Why waste time on some exotic alien partner. It’s not “only once” that you’ll face practical challenges. You’ll be continuously reminded how you don’t fit together and have to move heaven and earth to make it work, every. single. time. Pretty hardcore. But we humans creatures don’t decide purely based on rational arguments. Why not take the lemons and make lemonade from it. The mere fact that you’re both willing to give it a go says more than dozens of affirming messages. There’s something valuable in striving for something. Pretty sweet.

I know you’re all dying to know what kind of workout we did. Well, we decided to go for one of those famous full body workouts. I was trashed.

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I was chatting with a girl on some dating app. She bombarded me with questions inquiring into my socioeconomic status. That’s why I always have my CV updated and ready on my phone. I was not sure if her English was poor, she was not so bright or she was just like this. But the conversation was obviously going nowhere. At a certain point during our exchange, I deducted that she was only in the city temporarily. I said  “Aah, so you’re a tourist”. Her answer cracked me up “No, I’m travelling here”. Ladies and gentlemen, being a tourist and a traveller is apparently not the same.

The distinction between the two is really a silly way to self-apply a coating of cultivation to your own self-image. A layer of powder on your face may have you appear more attractive but at the end of the day, you’ll still have to bear the consequences of #nomakeup. Let’s just admit that travelling is a privileged way of spending time and money. In the eyes of the locals, you’ll always be a tourist. No matter how many passport stamps you collect, selfies you take (or don’t take) or ukukuleles you carry in your backpack. Just like I’ll always be a second-class citizen and expat here in Dubai no matter how long I’ll stay, how much I earn or how well I’m integrated.

Besides, usually people get their information on the so-called hidden gems, off the beaten path things, local obscure place this, local authentic that from three sources: Tripadvisor reviews, Lonely Planet guides and the “local” guy from the Free Walking Tour (someone who moved 6.9 years ago to a city “fell in love with it and wanted to share the beauty and treasures of this place with everybody who wants to listen”. This person knows how everything works on the ground so well that he hasn’t been able to secure a steady income and instead begs for tips from a bunch of people who are too lazy to do their own research on what to visit. – Was this too harsh? Don’t get me wrong, I love Free Walking Tours and all respect to its guides.). Afterwards, selbstverständlich, the most sacred of secrets must be reshared with thousands of people across social media platforms and travel blogs/vlogs. 

During this date, there were two highlights. One was having the luxury of a personal “local” tour guide and second, bringing a towel with me to wipe of my sweat. It’s clear that my body has not acclimatised yet to the high levels of humidity. Have you ever seen those “satisfying pimple popping” videos? It was more or less like that but just with saline fluid rushing out of my pores. A date doesn’t have to be more than this. Simply having a shared experience together while uncovering secret spots in one’s minds and hearts. You explore and get lost. You enter a bubble of connection and then you enter a shop with AC. You zoom in on each other’s background. Literally, making a cheesy photo and figuratively, a mental note.

Whatever you may call it. A date, hanging out, a sex interview, Phase 1: Initiation of the Future husband/wife-father/mother project, the essence remains the same. It’s a starting point of two people getting to know each other better. Whether it’s tourism or wanderlust, you basically are doing the same thing: exploring new places, cultures and experiences.

I know you’re all dying to know what we visited as tourists travellers. Well, it was Al Seef, a charming area near Dubai Creek, where old meets new. Water taxi? Yes.

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In hindsight, we could have always done better. We could have done things differently. We could have wanted it to be otherwise. In reality, we do what seems right at the time. I don’t think it’s fair to only look with the eyes of today to the actions and thoughts of yesterday. But I do understand why people tell me that the name of this blog is not doing justice to its content. I felt some pressure to make some changes. But I stand by 69 Dates as it is.

It’s written in black and white that 69 Dates has matured. My writing has evolved. Thank God. However, the concept has pretty much remained the same, as it was intended to. So are the questions I usually get asked. They are more or less the same. By now, I can answer each one of them with confidence, certainty and conviction until the person runs out of things to ask. It could mean two things. Either the concept stands like a reinforced concrete house with a clear rationale or people just let me talk. Like indulging in the make-believe of a child who is convinced that his/her sand castle on the beach would still be intact tomorrow. Like silly he-he-laughing with a joke you heard 69 times already from the same person. Like nodding “yes, yes, Mr. Skinny boy, that jump with accompanying screams in the pool was very impressive”. Applause.

During this date, I noticed a particular fixation on the number 69. You tell me, using 69 is brilliant marketing trick. So far I didn’t meet anyone who forgot about the name of this blog. But it also opens doors for crazy conspiracy theories involving me pimping a network of 69 girls, me going around breaking young girls’ hearts, me wanting to use 99 but made a typo when registering the domain name. The feedback I get is that meeting a certain amount of people implies casual dating or just for fun. Would I stop getting these comments if I called this blog 12 Dates or The Single Date? I’m not sure as of or until which number of dates you’re relationship dating and above or below a particular cut-off point it’s definitely someting more casual.

I used to play video games, the shooter type. You know, the ddzuzuddzuzuzu, paw paw paw, BOOM stuff.  “One shot, one kill” was the holy grail. But before you can reach that level, you have to go through a depressing amount of “a lot of shots, no kill” games. Even in a virtual world, there is a reality with external influences to deal with. Disneyland and Hollywood may spread the dream, the ideal, the fairytale called love. Reality however, doesn’t do justice to those labels.

I know you’re all dying to know which purchased items were on the table. Well, there was a caramelate, a strawberry lemonade and a Pasteis de Nata.

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