I’m pretty sure most of you have been attending catch-up calls with friends, family or colleagues during the 2020 lockdown. First, there’s an update on how the situation has evolved and impacted us personally: “I heard flushing your nostrils with mint tea is killing virus particles”, “Today I went running and I saw a baby wearing a N95 mask. I feel relieved that many in my neighbourhood are following the rules quite well”. Followed by some reminiscing about the past or past plans: “We had to cancel our yearly bike trip reunion. Yeah, so sad”. Then it’s fun and games: quiz, pictionary, board game, drink-the-bottle, chitchat etc. Such recurring meetings eventually ended up in reporting how wet the water was and in which direction the wind was blowing. For your information, usually the water was very wet and the wind often came from a southwestern direction.
There’s nothing wrong with these catch-ups. I can imagine that in some cases it was helpful, even essential to deal with tough circumstances. It’s lacking some humanity though. Most people agree no medium can replace a face-to-face gathering. Trainings and conferences are being held online now. What was the most valuable to me were the questions and the interaction during the sessions, and the stories and insights with other participants during the breaks. Knowledge and information can get shared online but can we say that the attendees felt the vibe and energy, and went back “home” invigorated with a hell yeah-feeling from a virtual meeting? I highly doubt it. Being digital is not the same as being a social.
I hear about success stories of people making friendships online. Definitely possible, not going to argue with that. I’m wondering if these people interchangeably use meaningful with emotionally available. Experiencing something together, even if it’s just sitting at the beach doing nothing, is more powerful for me than having a long yet deep conversation on the phone or computer. I guess I value a shared reality more than shared information. We can’t confuse availability with frequency. A pair sending 96 messages per day doesn’t mean they have a stronger bond than two people exchanging 69 messages. The amount of notifications popping up or letters/emojis/pictures transferred is not an indication of the quality of a relationship. It’s merely an illusion.
Fluid chatting, endless banter and deep talks look like a recipe for success. My date told me she once went on a date where it clicked online but when they met in real life, the conversation was as smooth as sandpaper. It’s easy to create an impression from behind your screen. You have the time to (over)think, to curate the perfect answer, to mislead the other with an inflated image of your personality. There are of course exceptions. Yours truly is undoubtedly more impressive in real life than on paper. Words simply cannot convey the awesomeness, the intellect, the purity. Many have tried, including myself, but all have failed.
Texting for me is okay to keep in touch but I find it too limiting to really build a meaningful connection. It’s too easy. Just dump some lines and information et voilà, crazy in love. Texting in a dating context has become a modern passtime for notification-addicted people. If being busy is a badge of honour for your social life than texting is one for your dating life. It looks cool, feels good and gives you the impression you’re getting somewhere. Then over time you realise it has been a lot of doing without much impact. It’s a trap. There’s a Chinese proverb that sums it all up very well: “A single date with a cute man/woman is worth a month’s texting”.
I know you’re all dying to know how intense and romantic the sunset was. Well, we missed the actual sunset (civil twilight) in the five-minute window we were walking around to find a better spot. But we did witness the nautical and astronomical twilight. Perfect setting for captivating talks.
Fill in your email address at the bottom of the page to receive new posts straight in your inbox.
If you like my writings, share it with your friends, enemies and lovers. Spread the word!
