Nostradamus predicted 500 years ago that everyone at some point in his/her life would use an online dating app. I don’t know if that prediction is true but I can’t imagine a dating world anymore without dating apps. It seems however that there’s still some sort of stigma on using them. “I only use it when I’m bored or on the toilet” “I almost never swipe right” (girl version) “I just swipe right all the time” (boy version).
I have a love-hate relationship myself with these algorithm-based, dopamine-triggering pieces of code. As like many people, I wouldn’t say how these apps enriched my life and gave me the opportunity to connect with interesting people or people I would have never met in normal circumstances. But if someone is wearing Havaianas flip flops and Columbia zip off trousers carrying a Quechua backpack, thousands of miles away from his/her domicile, then suddenly he/she is all about meeting people and connecting and discovering and embracing the new and getting out of the comfort zone and and and. But online dating, ooh no thanks, so superficial.
I haven’t used it myself before but many apps now support voice and video calling. If these functionalities are good enough to connect with friends and family during a lockdown, then it’s good enough as well to have a chat with a potential mate. Hell, sales worth millions, job interviews for all levels and types of positions, and medical diagnosises are being concluded online now. We can’t blame the technology for everything. Then what else is to blame? Please tell me, dating social scientist, tell me the answer, I hear you cry in despair.
My dates have consistently told me that they check if the guy is married or not. Sometimes it’s blatantly on his profile. Every so often he casually mentions it halfway during the second date (true story). It seems extramarital stuff is a common thing here. While I agree that love between married people should be consumed within the boundaries of marriage, it’s the lies and false expectations that make online daters so jaded.
When I matched with the girl from this date, she told me it was her first time and match ever using a dating app. I thus got the huge responsibility to make her feel comfortable and enjoy her first online dating experience. Apparently, I have the ability to convert online dating virgins. Multiple girls showed me I was literally the only match on their phone (which is incredibly weird to me) or told me they never went on a date with someone from the online world before. Supposedly, they had a good feeling about my intentions. I guess even more after I sent the link to this blog (I only send it after we agree on when we’re meeting up). It’s hard to fake almost two years of writing. While my text game might be considered smooth, my willingness to type full sentences and use proper grammar might be more differentiating then saying things like “I’m an asian for any occasion” .
I often read in girls’ profiles something like “Dont match if ur not going to talk” . What does this mean? A real warning? A showcase of orthograpic abilities? Or maybe a howl of agony? If females of above-average beauty find it important enough to write that instead of “Love yoga, travel wanderlust (69 passport stamps), foodie, always keep smiling, not here for hookups” . Then maybe we’re onto something. It’s called rejection. The majority of females online, except the really ugly ones, have to a certain degree unlimited options. Virtually every right swipe is a match but it seems the matches don’t translate in great conversations or things. On dating apps it’s so easy to ghost someone. There’s no closure. “Did I say something wrong?” “Am I not interesting enough?” “Am I not hot/cool enough?” “Did I came across as too eager?” All these questions remain unanswered. For both guys and girls, the lack of response is devastating. Nobody likes to get rejected, especially not a regular basis. How many people understand the mechanics of the online dating game and are willing to play it AND actually win it? It’s easy to become bitter and frustrated if you don’t.
Despite these challenges, I still believe online dating is a very effective way to meet your future love(r). I’m not the only one. The activity of millions of matches and messages on dating apps don’t lie, nor do the dating apps grouped together on the utmost right home screen page of your single friends’ smartphone.
I know you’re all dying to know where the food party was. Well, we went to a Korean place and had Korean BBQ, sizzling table grill included. Great stuff, all diet rules were broken.
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